Stormtrooper in Stilettos

Lord Vader made a concerted effort to show his new squeeze the lighter side of the dark side of the Force. He wanted her to feel like she was the only lady stormtrooper in the galaxy. So he picked her up on his space horse and they rode off to Alderaan Wetland Gardens where it proceeded to precipitate like a bitch. But this did not matter one jot to the young lovers, Darth's ardour proving impervious to the rain. He told blue jokes about red lightsabers, sang romantic songs in a pleasingly earthy bass-baritone and, at one point, even considered removing his helmet. As charm offensives go, it was most offensively charming.

My lightsaber's burning so bright tonight!

How can it be wrong when it feels so right?

Alas, after they had downed a few flutes of teal-coloured Toniray wine, Darth's adored stormtrooper in white stilettos made thigh contact with a weird-looking dude with tusks who was wearing an old sack and the two of them went off together, never to be seen again.

Vader was raging. Yep, some hapless planets got blasted to smithereens that night, I can tell you.

B.R. 04.05.2021

Who the hell is this?
And what gives him the right to ride around on Lord Vader's shoulders?
Outrageous!
May the 4th be with you.
B.R.