Bob Blackman AKA The Tray

Crawling over broken glass

and walking over coals.

It achieves nothing

and impresses no one.

Let these things be added

to the list headed

Fruitless and Bootless Pursuits.

Just don't do it, okay?

The King of Trebor Bassett

was punished for cheating on his cats

by being forced to roll a giant

mint imperial up a hill,

only for it to roll back down

every time he neared the summit,

turning a small village outside Kendal

into minty rubble.

In the days of ye olde music halle,

a man called Bob Blackman

used to bash himself over the head

with a tin tray

while singing "Mule Train",

until that fateful day

when some backstage prankster

swapped it for a mahogany one.

The Hopefuls on The Word,

no doubt intoxicated by

being in such close proximity

to the Manc swank of Terry Christian,

used to queue up to be

degraded and humiliated

in the name of entertainment:

licking nipples and nuzzling armpits,

bathing in dog food, drinking pints of spit.

One poor devil even lived in a skip

for a year with Lynne Perrie

(Corrie's Ivy Tilsley),

living amongst so much

flotsam and jetsam

and a discarded soap actress.

Can you imagine?

B.R. 07.05.2021