I Hope You're Happy Now

Och women...
They always want to change you,
They want to rearrange you
Till you don't know how you started out.
Now, what the hell's all that about?

When we met, I didn't cut a dash,
I wasn't fancy, wasn't flash.
I couldn't dance, couldn't dress snappy
But on the upside I was happy.
Wet as a wet weekend in Wetwang.
Ready to get up and do my thang.
(Have a cup of tea or a nap, mostly.)

She said she dug me, she liked me fine
But back at her flat after too much wine,
The tone changed. There was buzzing in my head.
I agreed when the harridan said
That I should "achieve my potential",
That my life had been "inconsequential".
(I signed up to her ten step programme.)

She rearranged my facial furniture
And laughed at my discomfiture.
Made me go to work with a briefcase.
Made me construct a Swedish "clothes space".
Now I fill my weekends with DIY.
I wish sometimes that I could die.
(It would be preferable, that's fo' sho'.)

Now that I've graduated from the programme,
I have to look in the mirror to check who I am.
I'm a bully and a bounder,
A modern day Herr Flick.
In my salmon coloured trousers
I look a proper dick.
You've got what you wanted. Wow.
(I hope that you're happy now.)

B.R. 27/02/2013

 

Herr Otto Flick never allowed Helga to change him...