The Undead ('Twilight' in Todmorden)

(dedicated to Hacker T. Dogoulopoudos and the canine and feline populations of Corfu)

 

As pale as a parsnip.
As old as Nicholas Parsons.
A generous sponsor
Of the mighty Blyth Spartans.
He's got a coffinful of money
And a wealth of grace and style.
Men of steel turn to jelly
When he turns on his smile.
And he's coming to a boardroom near you.

As smooth as Stewart Granger
And as lusty as Tom Jones.
Slipping under the radar
Into erotic zones.
He's been around for donkey's,
Knows what makes women tick.
When done by others, it looks sleazy
But he makes it look slick.
And he's coming to a bedroom near you.

He's coming to the game next Sunday
And Tuesday's Cheese unt Wine.
He's made great efforts to be here -
He's crossed oceans of time.
He's coming to be the poster boy
For an alternative to life.
He's coming to the edge of Yorkshire
And an arrangement with your wife...

B.R. 02/09/2012

The marvellous Stewart Granger (born James Lablache Stewart, 1913-1993) in Blanche Fury (1948). Definitely closer to my idea of a matinee idol than the frankly odd-looking R-Patz.