Supply Teacher

I'm the universal supply teacher
And I'll show my portfolio to yoo-hoo...

They say that in order to teach something
You must know something about it.
Absolute rot! Perfectly blithering!
Just say what you think and shout it!

My head popinjay was Dr Du Prez -
I didn't like that conceited arse.
He smirked like a jerk and sent me away
To teach the stinking Biology class.
By request, the head girl role-played my wife
And we demonstrated the facts of life.
A very valuable lesson for 2B.
One they wouldn't forget in a hurry.

The Games master was involved in a most
Tragic accident with a javelin.
I subbed for him when he gave up the ghost
(He had been mentally unravelling).
The match won (great work in the final third),
I joined them in the shower, naked as a bird.
I looked them in the eye although it was not done,
"It's alright lads," I said, "we've all got one."

 

Brother Lee Love (The Kenny Everett Television Show)

II.

A jack of all subjects, that's me.
I took a class of heathens for RE.
I slapped all those unbelievers
With Brother Lee Love's giant hand.
I once conducted the school orchestra
From the top of Julian Cope's microphone stand.
I was a hit with remedial Maths.
They loved my pie charts and my Cornish pasty graphs.
I taught precious darlings about drama
But I tired of their pyjamarama.
One freak had the audacity to say
That I was no Laurence Olivier,
That he thought of me as a Gareth Hunt.
For Woodwork I made him stand at the front.
For starters I clamped his nuts in a vice.
Other staff said "Woodwork's not for you, you're far too nice."
I fell foul of the sixth form, tabbing it
In a green shade. They threw me in this cabinet.
To survive, I've been sucking on sugar paper,
Drinking ink and getting high on Tipp-Ex vapour.

I'm the universal supply teacher.
Please don't tell anyone I'm here.

B.R. 21/03/2013