Captain Apache

Down the years Captain Apache has been derided by critics and western fans alike as one of the worst films ever made. Don't you believe it. True, the plot is pretty incomprehensible and the editing is decidely choppy to put it kindly. But if you're a stout-hearted soldier of the cinema, not to be put off by such trifles, then this film is an utter delight with a remarkable cast headed by the brilliant Lee Van Cleef as the titular hero. Just look at him rocking that loincloth/posing pouch look up above. Oh yeah.

The most extraordinary scene has Cappy Appy hallucinating his nuts off after being given peyote by the town's resident witch - some bizarre visuals mutate into the good Captain chasing two heavies up and down what looks like the stairwell of a multi-storey car park. And then there are the songs. Lord knows who came up with the idea of Lee Van Cleef singing them but it was inspired. The theme tune has an irresistible groove and is liable to stick in your head but it hardly prepares you for the closing number "April Morning". Here Lee gives such an impassioned yet lustily tuneless performance that it's enough to bring a tear to a glass eye.

I implore you to open your ears, eyes and mind to Captain Apache. "Red ass" forsooth!