The Idiot

I come from a long line of village idiots
My family have been idiotting around here
for the past three hunnerd years

My great-great-oh-so-great-grandfather
claimed he was the King of Brigadoon
drank champagne and farmed raccoons
proposed three times to Hor Majosty tho Quoon
(Victoria, but I don't mean to boria)

Grandpappy died with his boots on:
one on his hand and
the other on his head

My daddy served under Captain R. Gibb
in the Beegees-Sexpistols War
He lost an arm and a leg
Jive Talkin' into no man's land
For the past nine general elections
he has voted Conservative
Now he walks around town
with a squirrel on a string

Times have changed
Idiots are everywhere
Idiots abound
I have to go that extra mile
to prove I'm above the rank and file
of the casually stupid

Just look at me
If you can stand it
There ain't no rhyme nor reasoning
why I roll round in sausage seasoning
but I do (yes I do do do)

I lounge around
in a threefourfive piece bubblewrap suit
I spend way too much time on Facepalmbook
I write poems which prove
beyond a Hank Marvin of a doubt
that I'm a glutton
for being a muttonhead

B.R. 11/04/2016