Claridge's

If, like me, you overindulged somewhat over the festive period, you may now find yourself in the rather tedious position of being on a diet. To reassess one's eating habits and look soberly into the eye of a stick of fecking celery is really quite depressing, especially after a monthlong binge where one has been permitted the run of one's teeth with the puddings and other deliciously sweet things. Diets are evil but they are a necessary evil. I'm built for comfort but - ods-bodikins - I don't want my voluptuousness to get out of hand! Alas my nature is such that any sustained attempt at healthy eating on my part gets me ruminating on food and sometimes in a not particularly healthy way...

 

 

On a completely unrelated note, have you heard that mop topped fox in the box Steve Claridge has finally hung up his boots at the tender age of 62? It's so he can concentrate on his new business venture: a bistro in his adopted hometown of Leicester called, imaginatively, 'Claridge's'. No, I didn't believe it either but there I was the other morn, polishing my collection of antique thimbles, when the menu for said restaurant forced itself through my letterbox. I scanned it with my visual organs and... well, I couldn't have been more shocked if I had been the vicar and it had been a cucumber that had plopped onto the mat. Here, from memory, is a sample of the bill of fare:

 



~ Entrée au choix ~

Finest Husbands Bosworth pigeon beaks in a tempura batter

served with a dog dirt dipping sauce

 

~ Plat au choix ~

Whole Dandie Dinmont Terrier baked in a crust of Salt and Vinegar Walkers Crisps

served on a bed of wiry hairs harvested from the chins of the Great Glen Women's Institute

with an accompaniment of abuse

 

~ Dessert ~

A trio of puddings:

i) Long Eaton mess (a melange of meringue pieces, Squirty Cream and chunks of pineapple fritter)

ii) Persimmons poached in TCP with a sabayon of Swarfega

iii) Buckfast Trifle

 

~ Camp Coffee ("Ooh, get you...") and Jazz Cigarettes ~

 



No, it's not for me. Not now I'm on the diet...

 

B.R. 05/01/2013