Lemons (In the Garden of Love)

I got chucked by the village idiot.
She threw me out of her flat.
I get to see the Breville on weekends
And pay maintenance for the cat.

I'm now registered blind
Since the acid attack
But I'd rather be that
Than a registered twat.

I don't know what I've done
To upset the lord above.
By Joe, I've sucked on some lemons
In the garden of love.

I got tangled up with Miss Medusa,
Strangled by the Queen of Freaks.
I can still see her in the mirror,
Tears streaming down her buttock cheeks.

I must have done some bad shit
To displease God up above,
To keep picking up such rotters
In the garden of love.

Ladene haunted my dreams, with her face
An effigy by Pollock.
Her scheme was paying my bills and rent.
She truly had me by the bollocks.

Oh sweet Jason H. Christ,
Have I not suffered enough?
Must I suck on more lemons
In the garden of love?
Must I always suck lemons
In the garden of love?

But now I think I may have found the one
Who'll shake her maracas for me -
You see, she's the lead percussionist
In the Pontefract Symphony...

Oh, praise be to Allah!
Cupid's given him a shove.
I've finally found me a peach
In this garden of love.

B.R. 18/11/2012

 

'Garden of Love' by Flemish-born Dutch painter and poet Karel van Mander (1548-1606). Looks like a smashing time was had by all. This painting hangs in the Hermitage Museum, St Petersburg.