Mr Nick O'Teen visits the home of Mr Algernon Goosegrease on the eve of the All-Cheshire Skeet Shooting Championships

Don't bring that filthy fag in here!

I'm not having you setting fire to my wife!

Look out - You're dropping ash on my dog!

Confound you, you bounder,

Steer clear of that shelf!

Those Reader's Digest condensed books

Are worth a fortune, I'll have you know

And there's another thing I'll have you know -

NO!!! You cannot smoke in my house!

So either put it out on my naked bottom

Or take it outside YOU OAF!

(Mr Nick O'Teen makes a mental note not to visit the home of Mr Algernon Goosegrease again.)

B.R. sometime back in the mists of 1996!