The End of Bargain Hunt

(I)

Everybody knows at least eight
people called David (or Dave),
hanging around at the edges
of weddings, linking arms
and kicking their legs
like some hideous octopus
at the Folies Bergère,
or those c**ts at the end of Bargain Hunt.
Those Daves (or Davids) just don't care!


(II)

Tens of thousands of Dans
are driving around in vans.
In August, they wear Ray-Bans
and in the winter too
because they're cooler than you.


(III)

Simultaneously,
at the outer reaches of our galaxy,
a phalanx of Waynes and Garys
is waiting for the prearranged signal†
to begin the invasion of our town centres,
flooding the high streets and low roads
with pointless plastic products.

Our prices are - ha ha - "out of this world"...

This planet Earth, it has no meaning.
If it doesn't pay off
we might try window cleaning...

B.R. 01/12/2019


†Tim Wonnacott pointedly arching her left eyebrow

Bargain Hunt, Series 43, Oswestry 8