Tebay Services, Christmas Eve Eve

Santa stands
at the service station kiosk
(Sweet Sensations or some such nonsense)
and salivates at
the compartmentalised candies.

"Milk Bottles, Cola Bottles,
Fried Eggs and Flying Saucers,
Foam Shrimps and Bananas...
By Jings! This mix
practically picks itself!"
quoth the white bearded wonder.

Just another Santa Claus impersonator,
taking a break from the M6.

"Tomorrow night,
we'll be flying through the sky,
faster than a speeding mullet.
But now it's time
for indeterminate meat pie,
anaemic chippings
and a pea-style vegetable preparation.
HO! HO! HOW MUCH?
NO CHANGE FROM TWENTY QUID?
AND A MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU TOO, MADAM!"

 At the urinal, two very merry Santas
are pishing on their boots,
while another snores in a cubicle.
They're not fit to wear their suits.

Old Ma Claus is gettin' flirty,
eatin' mince pies, cheap and dirty.

He's making a list.
He's checking it twice.

Now he's back in his van
and he's smoking Spice.

B.R. 24/12/2019