Lanterne Rouge

See the magnificent Yorkshire Dales
infested by Lycra-clad males!


For three days we cycle,
we pedal up Damon Hill
and down Dominic Dale.

Slumped in the saddle,
I aspire to be like
a biking Carlos Santana
with a streaky bacon bandana

but I'm bringing up the rear.
My epic caboose quivers.
These saddle sores are stinging
either side of my Bill Withers.

I'm so tired of being overtaken
by mobility scooters,
of scampi in a basket
and three pints in Hooters.

Driven off the road by James Martin
in a 4x4, sweating butter.
I gesticulate from the ditch
while he laughs in his rear view mirror.


They say
that nice guys finish last
but sometimes
so do useless twats...

B.R. 23/07/2016

By Phasmatisnox at English Wikipedia, CC BY 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=4006867