Young Man, Learn from My Mistakes

That first night you invited me over to the chateau,

You let me choose the video.

 I chose Pink Flamingos.

There were no smooches that night

Nor the merest suggestion of a snuggle.

I scuttled home, tail tucked firmly betwixt my combat trousers.

For our first date, thinking it would be a lark,

We went to the Salvador Dali theme park

(Just off the M1 near Trowell).

The Soft Construction with Boiled Beans ride

Made me feel queasy and made you cry.

I twirled my moustache and scowled.

You looked at your wristwatch. Its face had melted.

You can't rush a relationship - not the physical side.

 

You said you wanted to go to a festival

So we went to the Captain Beefheart tribute act all-dayer.

You didn't rate it as a shindig -

You found it long-winded and turgid.

Oh my Mascara Snake, you got to half past eight

Then you gave me the mitten, then the sack.

You hurried back to your chateau,

Wearing your dark blue thigh shadow.

Now the dust blows forward 'n the dust blows back...

 

B.R. 01/12/2013