Red Pandæmonium

 

(i)

- Oi! Red panda!

- Go away!
  I'm asleep!

- Oh, red panda,
  come on down
  from your tree.
  I've got a Raisin & Biscuit Yorkie!

- Do not speak to me
  of Yorkies.
  I will not be
  vexed with confectionery.
  Kindly
  state the nature
  of your bee's knees with me?

- As you can see,
  I have my mobile phone.
  I would dearly like
  to take a picture of us
  together.

- Yeah, whatever!
  It's not happening.
  I don't like you
  or the look of your trouser.
  Bootcut cords?
  Do me a favour!

- Well, forgive me
  if I dress inelegantly...

- Oh, hang it,
  why can't you leave me alone?
  I'm the "lesser panda",
  don't you know?

- Not to me.
  You're my number one!
  Are you coming down?

- No.
  You weirdo.
  For the love of mercy,
  enough of this persiflage!
  I have said
  all that I have to say
  so I will bid you
  GOOD DAY!



(ii)

A week later,
unfazed,
I went back to the zoo
where what I saw
amazed me.

The red panda
was sat on a bench
with his arms around
two comely young wenches
who were drinking Capri-Sun,
laughing,
having fun;
taking lots of selfies
with the unfeeling brute
and feeding him a Boost,
a Boost,
a biscuit Boost.

My eyes filled with tears.
I turned on my heel and fled
and someone threw a (coffee) Revel
at the back of my head.

B.R. 29/09/2016