Hairy New Year

Tried in the Barrow-in-Furness.

After twenty minutes

(at one-eighty degrees Celsius,

it's Gas Mark 4 innit?)

of being the meat

in a Hairy Bikers sandwich,

well, I freely admit that

I fervently prayed for death.

Mazza Berry

waits patiently in the wings

to be wheeled onstage

by the serfs of Sir Rick Astley,

stiff and bequiffed, like a

benign non-racist Morrissey.

With hand whisks for drumsticks,

she's a domestic Davros.

We all end our days

trapped in aspic,

glazed in acacia,

skewered and slung

on a slow-gurning barbecue.

The BBC don't care about you!

B.R. 31.12.2021

Rick and Mazza get a metronomic groove on during their impromptu cover of the W.A.S.P. classic "Animal (Fuck Like a Beast)".