The Deforestation of DeForest Kelley

Goddamn it!
Goddamn this hairy chest!
Black and grey and wiry,
I got hair just like a badger
from way up here
right down to my nadgers.
Goddamn every pube-type protuberance!

Goddamn it, I've had enough.
Goddamn it, it's coming off!
I'm tired, tired and sick
of missing out on all the chicks.
Jim Kirk, that's fair enough,
he's a captain and handsome and true
but even old Spock
is ahead in the queue.
That green Vulcan blood runs hot,
with those goddamn pointy ears
giving it all they've got
while he raises an eyebrow
up to the ceiling. Goddamn it all,
I've still got feelings!

Did you know
that I was the only member of the crew
not to go topless when we
beamed down to Nudus 2
(the infamous planet of the naturists)?
Well, I was. Stick that
in your photon torpedo
and fire it, goddamn it!

You've got to do me a favour and shave me.
Tie me down in the goddamn sick bay
on Aslan's stone examination couch;
excise each and every unholy growth.

For the love of God,
don't let me dangle!
Sticks and stones
may not break Bones
but chest hair, it can strangle...

B.R. 26/08/2020

DeForest Kelley as Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy of the USS Enterprise.
Picture not by me unfortunately - it's taken from the Museum of Poor Art page on Facebook, though I would contend that it is a very fine piece of work.