PHILIPS G22K550

A Life Lived Inside A Vintage TV



(I)

Vincent Price (for it is he)
wraps a whole salmon in tinfoil
then poaches it
in a dishwasher.
Nobody asks why.*

* Vincent has never encountered
this particular type of dishwasher before
and yet (and yet!)
he has absolutely no problem
in turning it on.
He's the "Switchfinder General"
you know.



(II)

In '72 I landed a role
playing John-Boy Walton's mole.
But it ended all too soon.
Now I play Jim-Bob's raccoon.



(III)

Bob Langley (for it is he),
the consummate pro,
waits patiently in the foyer,
not a hair in his helmet out of place.
Where are the guests?
Where is the audience?
Doubt is starting to show
on his face.
Where are the cameras?
Who turned off the lights?
Now, realisation is dawning.
It's Pebble Mill
at One (in the morning).



(IV)

Here comes Bod,
chased by an angry mob:
PC Copper, Farmer Barleymow,
Frank the Postman and Aunt Flo,
all holding flaming torches,
pitchforks and the kind of grudges
you only find in such
close-knit communities.

There goes Bod,
smashing the county record
for the 1500 metres.



(V)

In the gallery
Tony Hart looks aghast
as Morph is murdered by Chas,
stabbed through his Plasticine spleen.
Mr Bennett turns and laughs.


B.R. 07/03/2019