"Interesting stuff, this banana lager..."

(I)

A booming voice,
coming on hot and strong
as a freshly brewed
Double Twattiato
over the tannoy
of the megabus:

Ladies & gents, we are now entering Barnsley. Please! There is no cause for alarm! Kindly strip down to your pants, put your things in the bins provided and no one will come to any harm...

(II)

 At the country house
in darkest Market Meeping,
the aceface guests,
perverts and pests
gathered to hear me reveal
(in stentorian tones)
the identity of the murderer.
Quelle horreur!

It was no surprise of course:
Colonel "Banana" Custard
in the 8 ball pool room
with a bottle of HP Fruity Sauce.



(III)

Twelve hours till the trifle cyclone hits!
Till the custardspout makes landfall!
Still time to stock up on weekend kilts
from Edinburrow's original woollen mill!

B.R. 24/09/2018

Tom Chance (as played by Simon Callow, pictured here with co-star Brenda Blethyn) was partial to a pint or four of banana lager in the wonderfully odd ITV sitcom Chance in a Million (1984-1986). He usually downed his pints in one gulp.