By the Time I Get to Belper

(Dedicated to Glen Campbell and with apologies to Jimmy Webb)

 

 

By the time I get to Belper

he'll be watching Doctors

and wondering how and when it got so shit

He'll put the bins out, stack the dishwasher incorrectly

I don't know why he does that

(stupid git)

 

By the time that I make Eastriggs

he'll be cooking

Turning on the oven, putting in the chips

Maybe a Linda McCartney pie or some fish fingers

but I won't be there to eat it

(or watch Eggheads at six)

 

By the time I get to Neptune

he'll have found the bodies

of mutilated voodoo Action Men

He'll have read the letter telling him I'm leaving

with Deborah Meaden

(out of Dragons' Den)

 

B.R. 08/11/2017