The Night of the Beagle

(I)

The BBC have packed away their cameras.
The wrap party for One Man and
                                          His Hog is in full swing.
The smell of well-fried bacon
lingers on the fingers
like an infringing pigeon.



(II)

Bill Oddie wrestles with himself
in a darkened barn
while the rain outside
pours down like Domestos.
He has two words:
HIGH and LOW
tattooed across his knuckles.

Always a-warring and a-tugging,
one agin t'other.
Now watch 'em!
Old brother left hand,
left hand he's a-fighting,
and it looks like HIGH's a goner.
But wait a minute!
Hot dog, HIGH's a winning!
Yessirree! It's HIGH that's won,
and old left hand LOW
is down for the count!

We take our leave
hurriedly,
scurriedly,
like Ratsputin and the Tsarina,
hunted by Russian nobles
through the mini skirting boards.



(III)

Ol' John Craven and his sister Beverley
stand on the riverbank
and serenade us downstream,
slipping underwater into
queer, non-linear dreams

while in the distance
Bill Oddie sings
Leaning, leaning,
leaning on the everlasting arms...



(IV)

At journey's end
Chris Packham
and Michaela Strachan
welcome us with open arms
in his 'n' hers puffer jackets.
Packham takes us in
under his wings.

By day,
we nearly catch leprosy
from red squirrels.
By night,
we abseil down mountains
to sex golden eagles.
For a treat,
we watch Bear Grylls
eating himself
through binoculars.



(V)

We wait in silent wonder
through golden autumn
                         and white winter.
Bugles call to bluebell woods,
ushering in Springwatch season.

Our eyes are fixed on the skies;
our fingers hover over the red button.

When Bill Oddie on a pony
appears on the horizon.

B.R. 26/10/2016