Watch Yourself!

You'd better watch yourself

they said
and so
being a literal fellow
I got me a box seat
to watch what I call
my Theatre of the Absurd

Going back to the start
going back to the beginning
when I was born
I was an attention-seeking weakling
I couldn't walk or talk or anything
I've got some photos you know
They really are revolting

Some events eventuated then eventually
I graduated with a Desmond 2:2
from Fiddledeedee Follytechnic
I paid the penalty of the perpetual student
not growing up until it was way too late

I have seen the CCTV footage
of what came after
I call it The Wilderness Years
I spent my time smoking
while stood next to wheelie bins
or drowning in beer
and wearing out dressing gowns

I met a young lady
She had a heck
of a lot of neck
I suspect that she was part giraffe
She was always looking at me round corners
It's enough to make a fellow suspicious
so I decided to tail myself

Picture my dismay
alas and alack
to find out I'd been
making love to me
for six months surreptitiously
behind my back

I had to take a long HARD look at myself
till my head pounded
and my eyes went red

Now I can't walk past a mirror
without poring over
the latest gruesome development

You'd better watch yourself
they said...

B.R. 27/09/2015

The Man Who Saw Too Much
Ray Milland in X: The Man with the X-ray Eyes