Clinically Lovely (The Tom Yum Goong of Your Love)

(i)

My babe, you are

what a panel

of my male doctor friends

describes as "clinically lovely".

They've been busy

conducting extra tests

just to be sure.

(ii)

Once a twisted Thai chef

took a crooked step further

and tried to steal you away from me.

He zapped me with his reducto-gun

so I was the size of a spring onion

but he was sick as a suckling pig

when he picked up his binoculars

and saw that it was me,

floating on a lemongrass lifebuoy

in the tom yum goong of your love.

 

(iii)

The last leg of the interplanetary darts championship

(Mongo vs. Brighouse)

saw me take on Ming the Merciless.

He beat me with chicanery;

neither fairly nor squarely:

tearing a hole in the fabric of time

with his power ring finger,

he made all my 180s disappear.

What a bounder!

What a scoundrel!

What a cad!

Making love to my girl in the escape pod!

But I know that none of it meant a thing.

You were hypnotised,

under the spell of his power ring...

weren't you?

 

 

B.P.R 23/01/2015