Fair Exchange (Is No Robbery)

I went to Bettys tea room in Harrogate.
I had to bring you back a little something, a memento.
I got you a selection box of macaroons.
I said "That'll be £250."
Yes, I'd wondered at the price as well.
What good fortune to have gone on 'Half Price Tuesday'!

I patronized your Multi-Coloured Swap Shop.
I sent Cheggers on his way with a bottle of mouthwash
And a few words of romantic advice re lady boffins.
As soon as Five Star had finished we got down to business:
I said "What will you give me for my Commodore 64?
It's true what you say, they don't make them like this anymore."
I threw in Hungry Horace and Horace Goes Skiing
And duly left with your brand new Xbox.

But just lately I've not liked your attitude.
To speak frankly, it reeks of ingratitude.
Dear lady, won't you consider my sacrifices?
Queer lady, I've given up half of my vices!
I shaved off my long flowing beard on your insistence.
I didn't want to; it was under duress.
But you got your own way with your persistence
And made a sparrow family homeless in the process.
I gave up a promising career as second oboe
In the Sherburn-in-Elmet Sinfonia.
You couldn't bear the thought of me stealing the show.
You like diamonds not cubic zirconia.

All that I ask in return for all of this
Is an occasional kiss from your soft lips...
'No'?
What does tha mean, 'No'?

B.R. 20/06/2013