The Cat's Dinner Party

(for Alex Godley)

 

Hep cats have been frisking their whiskers
For this, the biggest binge of the year.
Tortoiseshell beauties, Siamese cuties -
The coolest cool cats are all here!

Being a black and white street cat,
I was quite shocked to be invited.
To be in such august company,
I can't help but be excited.

I'd always thought Captain Pusskin
Was one swanky motherfecker
But here I am sat at his table
In my bestest bib and tecker

Alongside such luminaries
As Manx Max and Bubba Birman,
"Flaps" Fotheringay-Phipps* and Devon Rex,
Lou Le Mew and hubby Herman.

All are happy but for Mellish
The butler and his salmon en croute,
It's so soggy, so very hellish
And his Beef Wellington's like an old boot.

So surprised at young Tabitha!
Who'da thunk she was Smokey's type?
But they've gone upstairs a-bonking
And a-honking on his crack pipe!

You see, she mellowed with good grub and grog
And after the third Green Chartreuse
She quit being as cool as a cucumber
And got with it, his Venus in Furs.

Ice cream by the cool sound of nose flutes.
Half-listening to the rapid, vapid banter
Of kittens with the world at their paws.
Well, at least I have the decanter.

Then, in a blur of fur and claws,
Tom starts scrapping with Maine Coons.
Uncouth kitties are breaking all the laws
And Slinky Malinki is stealing the spoons.

A space is cleared on the floor.
Everyone's rolling in catnip.
The purrlice show up at the door.
The captain goes down with his ship.

I've been to a marvellous party.
I couldn't have liked it more!

B.R. 10/04/2013

* pronounced "Funghy Fipps"

This is my cat St John. His dinner party days are far behind him but he still likes nothing more than getting dressed up and getting off his honkers on catnip, bless him.