PPL

Jason Donovan at one,

invoking smart price value Zen

in a Dimmock-rescued garden.

Are you ready for your final test?

Jason, he says YES!

He kicks open a gate.

Jeff Brazandpants pops out

from a red wheelie bin, shouts

Think fast! Throws him a box.

A face in a hedge,

Welsh as molten lava bread

in a smouldering suburb of Pontypandy

pleads for an autograph.

NO DISTRACTIONS!

A doorknocker slides

from side to side

like an air hockey puck.

Jase stills it with his manly Aussie hand.

He knocks once. What the fudge?

The door falls away

like the monolith

in 2001: A Space Odyssey

to reveal Jeff Brazandpants,

the Lotto Buddha,

sitting smugly

in his golf buggy.

Get in, ambassador.

Those doors won't knock themselves.

Somebody somewhere got paid for this.

Life is a postcode lottery:

completely meaningless.

B.R. 26.09.2022

Jason Donovan, the new ambastardor for the People's Postcode Lottery, whose bizarre and nonsensical TV adverts inspired this poem.
Why don't you just rack off, Scotty?