Sophisticated Lady

 

Sophisticated lady,
I'm so sorry
for my total lack of respect,
that I felt the need to start
to reconstitute my noodle snack
before you had left the flat.
Rest assured,
I have referred myself
to the Boyfriend Complaints Commission.

Sophisticated lady,
prithee, let me explain.
I was so damn hungry
after spending the evening at Slimming World,
looking at a picture of a custard tart
and inhaling the aroma
from a bag of Nik Naks.
It reminded me of the crazy summer
we spent with that tribe
of Colombian lesbians.

Sophisticated lady,
I know that nothing stays the same
and that tings will have to change.
Cakes and ale will become quinoa and kale.
All the displaced biscuits and crisps
replaced by crudités and dips.
I shall say Goodbye to all chocolate
and Hello to purple sprouting broccoli.
Maybe on high days and holidays
I'll be allowed a little treat,
a little something sweet:
the behemoth once known as Snickers
will become Snickers (fun-sized),
though who is having what kind of fun
is never specified...

B.R. 13/01/2019