By George (I Think She's Got It!)

She's got the taste of breaded scampi
and some smoked Finny haddock.
She's got the look of Gladys Pugh
also known as Ruth Madoc.

She's got the smell of Dingly Dell
with a dash of melting plastic.
She's got the sound of a brass band
(I'm thinking Brighouse and Rastrick).

She's got the touch of a knacker
turning carcasses into glue.
She's got a mean gleam in her eye.
Lord only knows what she will do.

She says Oi! You're no oil painting,
you're no Beethoven symphony!
And, what's more, you smell half dead,
not at all like baking bread,
cut grass or freshly brewed coffee!

I say I know what I is
and I know what I ain't.
I'm not a Michael Winner
or a modern-day saint.
You know what I've got
and you can't take it from me.
I've got the master key
to the Trebor mint factory.

B.R. 14/10/2018